Greetings ACME agents!

As usual, your feeble Crime Net has been infiltrated by yours truly. But, I'm feeling a bit generous. Let's play a few rounds of my favorite video game, I mean besides the obvious one......

Just like "You Don't know Jack" I will ask you all seven questions. The sooner an agent answers the more points I will award to that agent, but be warned, I will be keeping an eye out for wrong answers, and points of the same value will be deducted from your score if you make a mistake. You can also DARE another agent to answer the question. If you win the DARE, that is, if the other player answers wrong, you will win the total point value, but if you lose the DARE, the agent gets the total amount of points and the darer loses the total amount of points.

Sound good? Okay, let's rock.

ONE

You know who's been missing for a long time? Jimmy Hoffa. Well....

If Jimmy Hoffa mysteriously disappeared utilizing the same materials David Copperfield used to make The Statue of Liberty disappear, what objects would the FBI find discarded at the crime scene?

1 - A Paper Ring and Burnt Out Torch.
2 - A metal cage, black cardboard dividers and some doves.
3 - A giant curtain, a helicopter, and some lights.
4 - A set of crates, a video camera, and a nylon bag.

3

Well, gosh, that was fast, then again I'm not so surprised that Deric Storm was paying very close attention to that trick...and David's long flowing brown hair....

Deric Storm - 20 Points

Well, now looks like we're already up to question...

TWO

Let's see if you can wrap something besides a fedora around your heads.

It's a good day to be a living breating VILE agent....At least I think I am still breathing. *huff, huff* Yeah, I'm good....

Which of these other four qualities of mine do I NOT need in order to show biological characteristics of life?

1- Homeostasis
2- Movement
3- A response to environmental change
4- Reproduction

Oop! This is taking a while. There is now officially a point deduction on this question. Hurry up ACME or I'll put up another one. OR an agent can put a DARE on another agent to restore the full point value.

Fudge, I should have answered in the morning, now this is making me all nervous.

Nope, I actually do have to maintain a certain body temperature in order to stay alive. Hard to do in Antarctica, but still needed.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and pick... oh, let's go with
2. Movement
(not that I remember very much from Bio)

 

 Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes...

In the middle of the battle of Bunker Hill, General William Prescott stood at the top of said hill and heroically shouted "NOTE SPIRE, ONE DILL, NEW PEAS, LA BLIGHTS, UP THEIR THIGHS!"

Um...I mean....the other one....

DericStorm = 20

Current scores:

DericStorm = 40
Nevon = -10
Earl Jr. = 10

It's a shame people rarely get to hear what the redcoats on the other end of the hill were shouting. Most likely they were all variations of "Oof! Ow! I'm dying!" or "Somebody, I spilled my tea!"

FOUR

Now, I'm gonna take a slight break from the game here and open up my paycheck. Now, Carmen sometimes has a few funny habits when it comes to pay. Sometimes she pays entirely in foreign currency. Other times she leaves the order amount blank and includes a little yellow note with a math problem for us to solve, you know, just to keep us on our toes....

Okay, I got the envelope open here. See? Just as I suspected. It says "Pay to the order of Ken U. Belevitt...."

3.109 x 10 ^ 4 Indian Rupees. Then there are 8 paise in the envelope.

Um......How much did I make?

1 - $50.00
2 - $500.00
3 - $5,000.00
4 - $50,000.00

2

Yep, the scientific notation of 3.109 x 10 ^ 4 is 3,1090 in standard notation. Add the 8 paise and you get 3,1090.08, which upon conversion gives you approximately $500.00.

DericStorm = 20

You know, it might not seem like much, but hey, this is just my job. Taunting ACME agents is my business and business is GEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWDDDDD!

*ahem* anyway....

Current Scores:

DericStorm = 60
Nevon = -10
Earl Jr. = 10

FIVE

Let's see if you can finish this analogy.

Dick York is to Dick Sargent as Larry King is to....

1- Piers Morgan
2- Barack Obama
3- Stephen Colbert
4- Howie Mandel

This last one is totally, totally hurting my head... >.<

Here's the keys to my locker, Patty. Feel free to take a couple asprin and the diet cola that's in there. it isn't opened.

Point deduction time Gumshoes, better answer quickly or Patty won't be the only one who has a headache...

answer's 1 but you have the first part of the analogy backwards. Sargent came before York

Well, Storm, you're right. But you're also wrong. I'll let it slide, though because you're probably used to that.

Deric Storm = 10

Dick York left the show "Bewitched" due to a chronic injury and was replaced on screen by Dick Sargent. Larry King left the show "Larry King Live" due to....really old age, and was replaced on screen by Piers Morgan. Or as I like to call him "Larry King number two."

Current Scores:

DericStorm = 70
Nevon = -10
Earl Jr. = 10

SIX

Well, the game's almost over, and looking at many of you, I'm pretty sure you want to kick my ass. Well, unfortunately I don't have one. But, hey, I do know one fat guy who has an ass you can kick.

Suppose you wanted to kick Don Quixote's sidekick Sancho Panza's ass. What would his most appropriate response be?

1 - "You leave DULCINEA out of this!"
2 - "What did LANDA ever do to you?"
3 - "Don't you dare dent my DAPPLE!"
4 - "Hey, you let that poor nameless animal be!"

Negative 10? aww, man, this is looking bad for my report card.

Answer to this one is 3, donkey's name is Dapple

Yooooooooou aaaaaaaaaare forgiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiveeeeeen! *sound of a heavenly chorus juxtaposed with the braying of various donkeys.*

Nevon - 20

Sancho Panza's ass is named Dapple. Presumably because it possesses dapples, or freckles, somewhere on its hide. Only Sancho Panza's dermatologist knows for sure.

DericStorm = 70
Nevon = 10
Earl Jr. = 10

SEVEN

......I hope you're prepared, because the scariest thing to happen to Game Shows since Drew Carrey's tenure on "The Price Is Right" is about to occur....That's right, Gumshoes, be prepared for the JACK ATTA-

Waiwaiwait...hold on! This is MY game. I'm not going to end with a "Jack Attack!" I'm going to have a final category of my own! It's gonna be callled....um......the.....um.....Ken.....durr......

Wait' that's it!

Be prepared, Gumshoes. One question. Hundreds of answers. It's.....

THE KENDER BENDER!

I'm going to give you a single clue. I'm also going to provide for you a variety of answers. Some of them are right, some of them are wrong. Reply with the answer that applies to the clue. But here's the catch. There are SEVERAL answers that effectively answer the clue, and you have to try and find all of them. I will award a whopping 10 points for every correct answer. I'll also throw in 10 bonus points if you can guess the categories I am sorting the answers under. But be warned. If you include an answer in your reply that is incorrect, all of the points you've collected automatically go to zero. It's kinda like minesweeper, except that the only sad faces are going to belong to you guys. Good luck......MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The clue: WASHINGTON

Answers:

Born in France - Idaho - Virginia - Savings and Loan - Stone's River - Libertarian - General - State - Poor Richard's Almanac - Country - Capital - President - Mount Vernon - Martha's Vineyard - Federalist Papers - Lexington - Apples - Rest Stop - Dollar Bill - Penny -  Elenor - Signature on Declaration - Marxist Philosophy - Norman Rockwell - Cotton

Well, as usual the brain trust of ACME has been reduced to a mere I.O.U. compared to the grandness of my own intellect. I didn't want to have to do this but.....well actually that's a lie, sure I did!

Points are now reduced on this question. Now every right answer will merely net you 2 points. Oh, and you're not getting your current point values added to your scores unless at least one of you's got the guts to search for all the answers.

Uhmm.... State, and Apples...?

I had a huge test last week, my brain's still feeling like it was in a beehive.