This is something I can do while I whittle away at my plot against those meddlesome mole-agents at ACME HQ. I'm going to name 3 totally unrelated items. Then it is up to you to reply by linking those three items together along with the crazy conspiratorial reasons those three items SHOULD be linked together. If you need inspiration, you may use my template.

"Do you see how (blank) always seem to (blank)? Well, that's actually (blank) using (blank) to try to (blank). It's a conspiracy to (blank) all the (blank) and prevent people from understanding (blank). It's all very simple, really."

Okay, here are the first three:

The Cayman Islands, George Lucas, and Pineapples.

Have fun conspiring!

Pineapples really aren't 'apples' or in the 'pine family', they're called pineapples because an all powerful Witch Doctor in the Cayman islands made explorers think they were big pine cones that belonged on giant Christmas trees, so that he could rake lucrative Christmas deals 243 years in the future.  He knew it would take about that amount time for his team of dwarf-bear-christmas-tree-farmers to breed in large enough numbers... in the 1970s, this witchdoctor ran out of funds and decided to create a feature film staring his current brood of dwarf-bears.  The film was so successful the pineapple-christmas-tree-scam was put on the back burner while prequels were in talks.  That witch doctor is one, George Walton Lucas, Jr.

Of course! Why didn't I see it before...

 

Okay, another three:

 

Nachos, Sir Walter Raleigh, and The thermostat in Chip Masters' bedroom.

nothing I can think about with old chip's thermostat... but there are things about Philo's awesome mustache and it's time/space bending properties that are on a need-to-know basis...

Tease all you want, but I ain't playin' dis stupid game.

.....Though a few years ago my beard used t' house a species of rare fungus.

hee hee.  I guess I'll bite, why not?

Do you see how Nachos seem to always taste good with hot sauce? Well that's acutally because Sir Walter Raleigh who was kinda hot (at least in that Elizabeth movie) is using nachos to try to increase the average body temperate of the Nacho loving public.  It's all a conspiracy to stop global warming by reducing our heating bills.  Since Chip isn't known to love Nachos, his Thermostat is the only thing that stands in the way.

Wow, that makes so much sense.

Okay, how about: bottled water, the French Revolution, and the o-zone layer.

Hyuk Hyuk! Have you heard this one?

 

Ever wonder why bottled water always tastes so funky?

Turns out that's because it's actually liquid ozone you're drinking, NOT water.

Yes, turns out the french are really the culprits behind the hole in the ozone layer.

They've found a secret way to turn it into a tasty liquid and are marketing it as insanely expensive bottled water (ever notice how the best ones are french in origin?).

The funds from selling bottled water all go into funding a secret french revolution army that now looks to overthrow the entire regime of the european union.

 

(Maybe VILE should recruit France?)

Reading this thread again reminds me that we've quite a few creative minds wandering about.