DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in this article are fictional and intended only for entertainment purposes. The views expressed in this article do not express the views of carmensandiego.info.

Yeah, yeah. Here we go again. After a wealth of quality journal posts, the kid is coming back up to bat. Well, listen up: I may not be as "dynamic" as any of Carmen's other "henchmen." I don't "have a master plan" or even "know what I'm having for dinner." I may not be "sane" or "mentally competent." I may sometimes "wet myself out of fear" and if captured will "squeal faster than a piggy on blood pressure pills." I'm not "charming" or "attractive" or even "humanoid." I may "have multiple chins that jiggle when I walk" or "even when I breathe" and my breath might "smell like kitty litter mixed with fire and brimstone." So maybe I should step aside from the journal a bit and allow you all to be tauted by VILE agents who don't "Smell like fried chicken" and don't "look like someone inflated Napoleon Dynamite" and don't "Steal comedy bits from Chris Farley."

*clears throat* End transmission.