"Crimson, I am so disappointed in you"  said my manager, Jacques.  "You have soiled... blah blah blah..."  At this point in the disappointment talk, I had begun to tune him out.  I get this talk about everyday.  "You are such a diva... blah blah blah... You are so immature... blah blah blah."  I am really getting sick of this talk.  I don't even understand why I am recieving this talk, currently, considering this so called "disappointment" was caused by my now ex - boyfriend.

I looked out past Jacques, through the window, to the city of Paris.  I love Paris.  All the culture and all the fashion!  That is why I am here.  Jacques wants me to experience the "lights and runways of Paris."  I want to experience the shopping of Paris so I think I'll do that once he stops blabbing on about nothing.

"There, I am finished" Jacques finally says.  I got up from my chair, once he was finished, and grabbed my black Versace purse.  I checked my outfit in the mirror before I left.  Wearing my almost 5 inch high pink and red Christian Louboutin shoes (designed specifically for Barbie's 50th birthday) and my red Flared Hem Matte Jersey dress by Ralph Lauren, I was ready to hit that one store I hadn't gone to yet, surprisingly.  Time to head out to the Chanel stores.    

While walking to Les Galeries Lafayette, I could feel a headache starting.  As a result of my caffene withdrawl, I stopped at a cafe to get a quick cup of coffee.  I was so excited to get to the Chanel stores, I drank my coffee in 1 minute.  After I had finished, I continued walking down the street, taking in all the sights and sounds of Paris.  I will be so sad when I have to head home. 

Finally, I arrived at the doorstep of Les Galeries Lafayette.  "This will be a good day" I thought to myself as I walked through the doors. 

"It has been one year, exactly.  Did you remember that, Crim?" my best friend, Kenya, said to me.  We were on break from our photo shoot outside my mansion in Malibu.  To be precise, it isn't my mansion.  Well, it is now.  But, it had belonged to my fiance.  I silently walked into the house and went up the grand staircase.  Eventually, I wound up on the widow's walk.  Looking over the ocean, I remembered I was in this same spot two years ago.

Jacob and I were grade school sweethearts.  We were voted prom king and queen and best couple in high school.  Not just because we were both millionaires, but because we were truely the best (and longest lasting) couple.  After high school, Jacob went to West Point.  His parents did not want him in the military because of the fear of losing their only child, but Jacob wanted to be in the army.  They supported him, but not whole - heartedly.  

The day he left for his first duty, he proposed to me.  He told me we would get married after he came back from his first tour of duty.  I had only imagined the day that he proposed to me and the day that he left.  I never imagined those two events on the same day, though.  Of course, I waited faithfully for him to return.  He was supposed to come home in December, sometime around the holidays.  But, I will never forget, what happened on November 17th.  That one phone call changed everything.

Jacob left me everything after he was killed: his personal mansion his parents bought him when he was little, all of his money(which was a HUGE amount), and all of his items.  His parents got nothing, except a letter.  I had received a letter, too.

I walked down to the bedroom that we used to share.  I opened up a box that was in the bottom of the closet.  All of my memories of Jacob and I are in there.  Including the letter he wrote.  As I begin to read it, I start to cry.  Why haven't I listened to him?  I haven't even begun to move on in my life.  Jacob tells me to find a new man and move on.  I haven't even been close to recovery.  But, he is right.  Jacob always was.

Kenya came up the steps and gave me a hug.  She has been my best friend since I moved to California after the death of my parents.  She said to me "You should listen to Jacob, Crim.  You need to move on."  As Kenya walked back down the steps, I realized she and Jacob are right.  I put the picture sitting on the nightstand of Jacob and I from our high school graduation in the box.  I returned the box to its original place in the closet.

I walked back down the stairs with a new found confidence and a newly rediscovered want to be loved, again.                 

Yesterday morning, my grandmother could not get out of her bed.  I did not realize how sick she was and has been.  She said to me this morning, "I tried to raise you to have good morals.  You need to be a good girl.  Do this for me, but I know you make, and will continue to make, all the good choices in your life."

As if that guilt trip was not enough.  I drove into school.  I don't live in my dorm room anymore because I have to take care of my little sister.  I walked into the classroom.  My VILE cell phone fell out of my Coach purse.  The professor picked the cell phone up and examined it.  He said to me "I hope you actually aren't part of VILE, dear.  You know the rules.  You are studying to be a lawyer, not a criminal.  You are supposed to be defending famous criminals... because you are studying to be an entertainment lawyer....  not be one yourself."

After class let out, I drove myself to the nearest beach.  I took my Prada shoes off and stuck them in my over - sized Coach bag.  I walked in the water that crashed up on the shore.  While walking, I asked myself some questions.  I know I should be home taking care of my grandma and little sister, but I need to think about all of this.  Is being part of VILE a bad thing?  Does it not fit in with the life that I want?  I know that I want to be a lawyer.  That has been one of my many dreams since I was little.  But the professor does make a good point.  You cannot be a criminal and a lawyer.  Well, alright, that can be debated, but I am not in the mood for that now.  Would joining ACME be the best thing right now?  The rush of cold water felt good on my hot feet.  Should I not be a part of ACME or VILE?

After walking the beach for about an hour, I realized I needed to head home and prepare dinner.  I did not answer any of these questions.  I could not, in fact.  I am hoping that the answers will some how magically come to me.  I am hoping that I can figure out what is best for me and my little sister, who, after my grandmother passes away, will be in my care.         

I was born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland.  Life there was great with my little sister, Krystyna, my mom, and my step - dad.  But one night, everything changed.  My mother and my step - dad were driving along a road at night.  Another car was speeding and going down the road the wrong way.  They collided.  My parents were killed in the accident.  I was 7 and Krystyna was 3.

After the funeral, my grandmother decided to raise Krystyna and I.  She lived in San Francisco, so we left our East Coast lifestyle for a West Coast lifestyle.  

Living with my grandmother was different.  She wasn't really a parent.  She did not teach us the difference between right and wrong.  She enrolled my sister and I in public grade schools.  We never had morals with her.  We watched whatever we wanted when we wanted.  We could do what ever we wanted when we wanted.  She had no control over us.

I suppose she realized this when it was my turn to go to high school.  She realized my sister and I needed reform.  So, my grandmother switched my sister out of the public grade school to a Catholic grade school.  And I went to a Catholic college preparatory school. 

I passed with flying colors.  But my morals did not improve.  Until I got to college. 

I went to Stanford Law School.  I went to law school because I wanted to become an Entertainment Lawyer.  Working with celebrities has always been my dream.  I realized I would have to change to meet that dream, though.  I cannot keep fighting my morals and myself.  I had changed for the better after that.

But one day I received a telephone call.  It was from my grandmother.  She told me that she was dying.  She has cancer.  THis hurt me so bad.  Can I go through another loss again?  After that all of my newly found morals dissappeared.  I joined V.I.L.E.  I needed a way to get back at the world for taking so much from me.